Dealing With Colleagues And Superiors Who Have Low Emotional Intelligence

We may look at successful business colleagues or leaders and assume that they must have a high level of emotional intelligence to have achieved success in their jobs or careers. However, while the business world is increasingly recognising  emotional intelligence as a vital attribute in the workplace, people are still often promoted because of their knowledge or length of time working for a company. Whether they score high in emotional intelligence is not necessarily taken into account.  

Working with colleagues who have low emotional intelligence 

It is inevitable that during your career you will encounter a colleague or boss who has less than well-developed emotional intelligence. In some instances that person will be a close colleague within your team, or a direct superior, and in a position to have a profound impact on your day-to-day working life.  

Here are 5 key strategies to employ when effectively working alongside a low EI colleague:  

1. Focus on active listening 

One of the key habits of highly effective people, as stated in Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is, “Choose to understand before you are understood.” This describes the core concept of active listening. This means listening – without interruption or preconceived ideas – to another person’s perspective and fully grasping their meaning before attempting to share your own viewpoint. When interacting with a person who has low emotional intelligence, pay close attention to what they are saying and try to understand their perspective even if you disagree.  

2. Provide direct and clear communication 

When dealing with a contentious issue, consciously use clear, fact-based language.  

• Focus on the situation and facts on hand rather than any personal interpretation.  

• Speak clearly and directly while maintaining a respectful and professional attitude.  

• Explicitly state your needs and expectations to avoid misunderstandings.  

• Express any concerns using fact-based “I” statements rather than making it personal.  

• Ask for your colleagues’ perspective and give them space to explain their viewpoint and clear up any misunderstandings.  

3. Offer constructive feedback 

Leading on from the above point, if it is appropriate, provide constructive feedback. In other words, before you tackle an issue, start with positive reinforcement to encourage desired behaviour. Acknowledge areas where your colleague is performing well before addressing problems or areas for improvement. Praise positive actions to encourage desired behaviour.  

4. Set boundaries 

Setting boundaries with a low EI colleague is not about controlling or manipulating them, but rather about taking care of yourself and establishing clear expectations for how you want to be treated by others. Here are 4 tips for setting boundaries with a coworker: 

• First get clear on your needs and values. This will help you to clarify, upfront, exactly what boundaries you wish to establish.  

• Communicate your boundaries clearly and directly. Use “I” statements to express your own needs and feelings and be specific about what you expect from your coworker. 

• Be consistent. Once you have established your boundaries, it is important to be consistent in enforcing them.  

• Seek support if you are struggling to set or enforce boundaries with your coworker. The support of a mediator or supervisor may be helpful in making your boundary setting legitimate and help you enforce your boundaries.  

5. Lead by example 

Put your own emotional intelligence skills to work and lead by example, by listening, communicating clearly, and striving to diffuse any potential conflict. Before you react to a person or situation that frustrates you, give yourself time to reflect on how you feel and consider the consequences. By first taking time to understand and manage your own emotions – and striving to understand the other person’s standpoint – you are better equipped to communicate in the most effective way possible, while considering the thoughts, feelings, and needs of the colleague in question.  

Working with a superior who has low emotional intelligence 

Reporting to a manager or team leader with low emotional intelligence can bring unique challenges – from communication breakdowns to interpersonal conflicts – for employees at all levels. Navigating these challenges while protecting your career and mental health requires a combination of self-awareness, strategic thinking, and proactive measures.  

Here are six proactive steps you can take to cultivate a more positive working relationship and lessen the negative impact:  

1. Start with self-awareness
   Start by cultivating self-awareness regarding your own emotions. First understanding your emotions and how you respond in this situation can help you navigate interactions with your manager more effectively. Based on your understanding you can better clarify what you need from your manager in terms of support, communication, and feedback. And you will be better equipped to set any necessary boundaries.  
2. Adapt your communication style
   Recognise any limitations your manager may have in understanding and expressing emotions and adapt your communication style accordingly. Practice active listening and seek clarification when needed. Be clear, concise, and solution-oriented and paraphrase information or feedback to ensure mutual understanding and alignment in task or project expectations.  
3. Manage verbal and non-verbal communication. 
   When signs of impending conflict arise, consciously maintain a calm and controlled tone of voice, make appropriate eye contact and be mindful of your facial expressions. Use open body language and avoid accusatory language. Acknowledge the other person’s emotions and attempt to de-escalate the situation, using clear, respectful communication while managing your own stress signals.   
4. Build trust and rapport:
   Building a foundation of trust can help to bridge the communication gap and nurture a more collaborative working relationship with your low EI boss. Focus on building trust and rapport with your manager through your consistent performance, reliability, and professionalism. Look for opportunities to connect on a more personal level through sharing about common interests or experiences.  
5.  Provide constructive feedback
   This is a tricky one as your boss may not take well to perceived criticism. If the opportunity arises where you can freely give constructive feedback without damaging your relationship, approach this interaction with tact and empathy. Frame your feedback in a positive light, offering solutions and potential benefits of making changes or adjustments. 
6. Know when to seek further support
   If your superior’s behaviour is causing you significant stress or impacting your work performance – or if their behaviour is discriminatory or is tantamount to harassment – then it is important to seek the support of management or your HR department to discuss your concerns and explore potential solutions.  

In conclusion 

Navigating the challenge of working with a colleague or manager with low emotional intelligence requires self-awareness, empathy, and sensitivity. By practicing active listening, understanding your own emotions, and adapting your communication style it is possible to build trust and maintain a productive working relationship. And while you may not have control over your superior’s emotional intelligence, you do have the power to influence the dynamics of your working relationship.  

Over to you for sharing your comments and experiences.