Is It Okay To Show Emotion At Work?

Traditionally, in Western culture, people have been brought up from an early age to believe that men should not cry – at least in public – and that they should hide their emotions. The fact is that men do experience sadness – and real men do cry. There is a wide array of emotions that can bring on tears – happiness, frustration, and anger among them – and crying does not indicate that a person is weak any way whether it is a female or male who is crying. There are several other outward and observable indicators of emotion, for example, facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language. These outward expressions of emotion are generally apparent in the way people behave.  

What about showing emotion in the workplace?  

It makes sense that the complex and ever-changing emotions human beings experience throughout their lifetime will show themselves within the work environment. This is no bad thing. Through being conscious of your emotions and able to regulate them, you grow your emotional intelligence. This increases the ability to effectively communicate and build relationships with your colleagues and clients. 

A professional attitude is everything 

The boundaries, when it comes to showing emotion at work, lie in remaining professional. Being professional at work includes maintaining an even emotional keel and moderating the way you outwardly express your emotions – or behave – so it is not disruptive, causing others to feel uncomfortable. You are not just being paid to do your job but also to contribute to a happy and motivated work environment — or at least not to make the environment less pleasant. Good employers, who are actively engaged in creating a positive and productive work culture, do not want to subject their employees to negative, unpleasant and difficult coworkers – because it is true that “one bad apple can spoil the whole barrel.” A positive work culture can be quickly eroded by a single employee who regularly subjects coworkers to their negative emotions.  

In practice a professional attitude entails: 

• Not taking work-related things personally.
  For example, there is a common understanding that receiving critical (and fair) feedback on a project is part of the job. It is not a personal attack and while it can be uncomfortable to hear, it is essential to respond calmly and non-defensively.  

• Understanding that you are being paid to do a job.
  All roles come with elements that you do not love or really enjoy doing. They are part of the job that you are being paid to do well and to accomplish in a cheerful manner. Continual moaning achieves nothing good.  

• Being pleasant and polite to people.
  Not everyone likes everyone at work. However, there is a level of professional decorum and tact to be maintained. Good manners make good business sense, as we all prefer to collaborate with colleagues who are polite, respectful, and mindful of others.  

• Dialing back on being moody.
  Leave your mood at the front door. It is essential to not let a difficult day, or a bad mood significantly impact how you interact with colleagues and clients at work.  

• Channeling your complaints appropriately.
  If you are frustrated at work, the appropriate response is to raise the issue with someone who can help solve it, not to complain to others or allow it to affect your work or how you interact with your team.  

What if your manager is highly emotional? 

Managers do not necessarily realise that their negative emotional outbursts are creating a toxic work environment. Often, there are personal or professional emotional drivers that make them act the way they do.  

Here are three steps to dealing with an emotional manager:   

1. Stay calm.
Working with an emotional manager can be challenging. They may be quick to show anger or frustration. They may also be overly sensitive to criticism or feedback and lash out – or make decisions based on emotion rather than logic. It is essential to understand that in this case you cannot fight fire with fire. Getting emotional in response to an outburst will serve no purpose. Stay calm and professional in your dealings with them and do not take their emotional flareups personally – unless of course you are being unfairly targeted.  

2. Set boundaries.
If your work life is being negatively impacted by a manager who has a toxic habit of being highly emotional, it is important to set boundaries. This means having the courage to tell them that you are not comfortable with their behaviour. Be respectful and non-confrontational. Focus on the impact their behaviour is having on you and the team, rather than making it personal. You can also walk away from the situation if necessary. 

3. Get help.
If talking to your manager about their behaviour does not work, or blows up in your face, seek help from HR or their superior in the absence of an HR professional – particularly if their behavior is causing you distress or making it difficult to do your job. An HR professional is equipped to provide you with guidance and support, and they are well placed to intervene with your manager. Documenting your manager’s behaviour will help you if you need to take further action. 

In summary 

At work, the standard of behavior is different than it might be in other contexts. You can choose your friends, but you cannot necessarily choose your coworkers. You are stuck with them, and they are stuck with you. In many cases, like in shared office space, they may be physically unable to get away from you. Even if you work remotely, as a team you are yoked together, and management’s expectation is that you will conduct yourself in a professional manner to minimise the impact of negative emotions on the team.  

Over to you for sharing your comments and experiences.