What are emotions?  

Emotions are a natural outcome of being human – they are experienced by everyone. Simply put, our emotions are what we commonly call “feelings.” Although we are built to be emotional beings, experiencing emotions should not be underestimated. The way we manage and express our emotions has consequences. Our emotions cause a variety of physiological changes within our brains and bodies that impact our well-being and typically lead to visible reactions and behaviours. For example, emotions are typically accompanied by varying facial expressions and body language that communicate how we feel – and can lead to us instinctively taking action. For example, when we feel a burst of happiness we may break into a smile, or when we are angry, we may instinctively clench our fists. Common emotions include happiness, sadness, surprise, anger, fear, or disgust.  

 

Why are emotions so important?  

Emotions are important because they are the vehicle by which we:  

  • Connect with others Expressing emotions helps us to connect with others. Emotions help us to communicate with people around us clearly and authentically – both verbally and through our body language. They also help us empathise with what others are feeling or experiencing. In this way, emotions are linked to how and what we communicate. And, importantly, communication lies at the heart of good quality relationships.  
  • Connect with ourselves. Our emotions also shed light on who we are and can guide us as to what fulfills us, and what we want to achieve. Emotions provide information that helps us understand our personal relationship with the world around us. They inform our outlook on life, based on how we feel about situations and events.  Understanding and managing our emotions can help us deal with problems and setbacks and find reasonable solutions. 

 

Here are six examples in which different emotions can serve different purposes:   

 1. Joy  

Joy is different to happiness. Happiness can be seen as measuring how good we feel over time. But joy is about feeling good in the present moment. Finding joy is often driven by internal motivation such as reaching a hard-won goal or finding a purpose in life. Tapping into joy looks different to each person and can be found in everyday situations.  

2. Sadness 

Sadness is different from grief, which is an intense and complex response to loss. Feeling sad gets a bad rap, but sadness is a normal reaction to distressing situations and, ultimately, can help you cope better with life’s challenges. It can give you a greater appreciation of the good things in your life and help you come to terms with a situation and move on, stronger than before.  

3. Anger 

Anger has a negative reputation as it is often associated with violence. However, constructive anger, born of a sense of injustice for oneself or others can motivate us to take positive action. Anger can help identify problems in a relationship, which can then be dealt with, and it can help people feel in control during uncertain times.  

4. Fear 

Fear is important because it develops courage. Consider human beings’ instinct for “fight or flight” in the face of danger. Fear is a natural, instinctive emotion that helps us survive by preparing us to deal with danger when we sense a threat or feel unsafe. When a non-life-threatening situation fills us with trepidation, facing our fears allows us to think more clearly and make choices based on our goals, rather than being crippled by our anxieties.  

5. Anticipation 

Anticipation is a key component of happiness because it allows us to look forward to something positive. Having something good to look forward to, whether it is big or small, is great for maintaining a sense of well-being. When we anticipate something positive, our brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This provides a mental and emotional boost even before the event occurs. 

6. Surprise 

Being surprised instantly captures our attention, taking us away from our current thoughts. Imagine getting an unexpected bouquet of flowers from an admirer or a thank you note from your boss. Positive surprises are a great vehicle for connecting with others. One practical example of using the power of positive surprise is breaking predictable patterns through small, unexpected gestures that show not only that you care, but also that you are present in a relationship.  

 

How to identify and connect with your emotions 

Emotional literacy, or the ability to understand, manage and express our emotions effectively, is a critical skill in both personal and professional relationships. Here are seven techniques you can employ to get in touch with your emotions and practice regulating how you feel and the outcomes.  

1. Take a pause to focus on your emotions 

  • Notice how you feel and what sensations your body is experiencing. Consider the intensity of your emotions but take care not to label them with intense descriptions like “anger” or “anxiety” when your feelings are less acute.  

2. Communicate your emotions 

  • Expressing your emotions can help you understand them better. However, it is important not to take this as a legitimate reason to go off the deep end. Communicating your emotions in a positive way involves being clear and direct, while also being respectful and open. In this way, it can help you build healthier relationships and support your emotional well-being.  
  • To get a handle on what you perceive to be a negative emotion, like anger or disgust, first try writing down what you are feeling, or talking to someone you trust. Using creative expressions can help. Try drawing, writing, or creating a character to represent the emotion you are feeling.  

3. Accept your emotions  

  • Try to accept your emotions, even if they are unpleasant. Allow your feelings to be what they are without trying to change them. 

4. Listen actively in order to understand 

  • Actively listening to others can help you understand their emotions and respond to them in a more empathetic way. Try to understand how others are feeling and share back with them what you understand from your conversation. This can help you connect with others better.   

5. Practice emotional regulation 

  • In the case of emotions that typically cause you distress or that are inappropriate in the moment, try to moderate the emotions you feel and manage the way you express them. Before you react, take time out to focus on your breath, thoughts, and feelings to stay present and reduce emotional reactions. Reframe negative thoughts and interpretations to reduce the intensity of emotions. If you need to take time out from an interaction before you respond to a conversation or situation, do so. 

 

Developing a greater understanding of our emotions and the ability to manage them is helpful in knowing more about what we need and want in our personal and work lives – and what we do not want. It helps us build better relationships, because being aware of our emotions can help us talk about and communicate our feelings more clearly. It also helps in avoiding conflicts and resolving them better. And it helps us to move past difficult feelings more easily. All these things are part of developing a level of emotional intelligence that will stand us in good stead in fulfilling our purpose and reaching our goals.  

Over to you for sharing your comments and experiences.

About the Author: Kerstin Jatho

Kerstin is the senior transformational coach and team development facilitator for 4Seeds Consulting. She is also the author of Growing Butterfly Wings, a book on applying positive psychology principles during a lengthy recovery. Her passion is to develop people-centred organisations where people thrive and achieve their potential in the workplace. You can find Kerstin on LinkedIn, Soundcloud, YouTube and Facebook.

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