In the same way adults do, it is common for teenagers and pre-teens to face various kinds of social pressure. This pressure is made more difficult to handle by teens as the adolescent brain is in the midst of extensive growth and development. The teenage brain should be seen as being half child and half adult. At the same time, teen and pre-teen bodies are experiencing radical hormone-driven change.  

In the digital era, social media has been proven to be a channel that amplifies the pressures young people are facing. For example, teenagers on social media spend much of their time watching the supposedly “perfect” lives and images of their peers. Making constant comparisons can be detrimental to their self-esteem and body image. Plus, it is easier to be bullied by someone using digital technology because of the greater physical distance. However, social media is not the only source of pressure and problems a teenager will face.  

  

What is happening in the teenage brain? 

It is important to understand the way your teenager will react to social pressures and problems based on their brain’s stage of development.  

By the time children are 6 years old, their brains have already grown to be about 90-95% of adult size.1 However, the teenage brain still needs a lot of remodelling before it can function as an adult brain. Scientists have found that adolescence is a time of critical brain development. The main change is that unused connections in the thinking and processing part of your child’s brain (called the grey matter) are discarded. Here are some facts about this pruning process2: 

  • This process of “synapse pruning” begins in the back of the brain and moves forward.  
  • The front part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, is remodelled last.  
  • The prefrontal cortex is the decision-making part of the brain. It is responsible for a child’s ability to plan and think about the consequences of actions, solve problems and control impulses.  
  • Changes in the prefrontal cortex that are associated with moderating risky behaviour, continue into early adulthood 
  • The brain does not become fully developed until around age 25.  

  

What societal pressures do adolescents face today? 

People of all ages experience pressure. People think pressure is a bad thing, but some pressure can be good for your teenage children. It can provide the motivation your teenager needs to be more energetic or study harder to qualify for tertiary education. However, bad pressure can be detrimental to your adolescent’s mental and physical wellbeing. As a parent, you can help your tween and teenage children to deal with negative pressure and make good choices at every stage of life. Here are three sources of teen-related pressure:  

  

  • Self-pressure 

Many teens set exceedingly high standards for themselves, whether it be a desire for academic excellence, making it into the first rugby or hockey team, or having their favourite K-Pop idol’s body type and flawless skin. Their quest to be the best, or just be accepted, can drive teens to be relentlessly hard on themselves. This toxic perfectionism can lead to feelings of unworthiness and depression. 

  

  • Peer pressure 

Peer pressure in teens is the influence their peers exert over their attitudes, beliefs, and actions. Adolescents are especially vulnerable to peer pressure as they are at a stage of social development when they are separating more from their parents’ influence – and because they want to fit in. Peer pressure can manifest in various ways, including friends exerting pressure to conform to a group’s unhelpful or illegal behaviour, or being coaxed into partaking in risky activities. It can result in a teenager altering their standards and values to harmonise with their peers. Evidence of inoffensive peer pressure can be seen in teenagers choosing the same clothes and hairstyle as their friends, using the same language, listening to the same music and following the same celebrities and influencers. The dark side of teen peer pressure can be seen in young people who are left feeling inadequate or resort to harmful behaviour as they grapple with the pressure to fit in. This can: 

    • decrease self-confidence,  
    • lead to poor academic performance,  
    • result in their distancing from family members and friends,  
    • lead to run-ins with the law with dire outcomes, 
    • lead to physical harm and mental breakdowns,  
    • lead to depression and anxiety. 

  

  • Parental pressure 

Parental pressure mostly has to do with the standards parents impose upon their children. Parental pressure generally starts with good intentions. However, when parents are overly controlling, children can lose faith in themselves and their abilities. Parental pressure is typically related to achievements in: 

    • academic performance 
    • sports and other extracurricular activities 
    • cultural or social standards 
    • appearance 
    • friendships 

  

How can parents help their teenager to overcome social pressure? 

When parents start early to: 

  • foster good self-esteem in their children,  
  • help them to understand the values that are important in their family,   
  • and to make healthy decisions for themselves,  it helps them to establish positive, like-minded peer groups and to better resist negative peer influence in their teenage years.  

  

Here are 4 ways parents can lay a positive foundation for withstanding social pressure:  

1. Be a positive role model  

Children learn by observation. For many children, their first role models are their parents and caregivers. This is followed by other relatives, teachers, coaches, and their peers. It is essential for parents to walk the talk – to model healthy behaviours in front of their children. What you do shows your teenager how you want them to behave. Teach your teens your values in all areas of life, such as good stewardship of money, a good work ethic, fairness, honesty, respect for people from all walks of life, and community-mindedness.   

 2. Spend quality time together 

Although teens often act like they do not need their parents or want to be seen with them, much research has shown that teenagers need to be connected to their family. It has been found that teens who are connected to their family withstand peer pressure and engage in fewer high-risk behaviours. Some ways to stay connected include: 

  • Eating meals together regularly and using the time to communicate (without television and digital media disruption).  
  • Participating in family activities together such as hiking, camping or playing a sport.  
  • Participating in community service together such as volunteering at your favorite charity. 
  • Spending time helping your teens become competent in the skills they will need later in life — balancing a checkbook, budgeting, cooking and doing laundry are all essential life skills your teen needs to learn.  

Spending quality time includes parents making the time to attend their teenager’s sports and other events, showing an interest in their friends, holding them accountable to achieve their goals, and sharing in their dreams.  

3. Show that you trust them 

Building mutual trust is an important part of your relationship with your teenager. Build up their confidence by trusting them to make good choices. Parents should give teenagers an appropriate amount of autonomy to make their own decisions. In addition to displaying trust, this allows teens to use the knowledge they have acquired to grow and develop. While it may not be easy to watch your child make decisions differently than you would, giving them the room to learn from the outcome of their decisions – and supporting them whether it is good or bad – is key to building trust.  

4. Be there when they need you 

Building on the point above, parents can tend to jump in feet first to try to fix their children’s problems – or place blame for their mistakes – without first fully understanding the situation. This can be seen as an overreaction, or being unfairly judged, and make a young person shy away from being open with their parents. Rather listen without prejudice and really hear what your child is telling you. This sends the message that what your child has to say is important to you. Then follow up with open-ended questions and find a solution together. You want to make it emotionally safe and easy for them to come to you so you can be part of their lives.  

  

As in any relationship, open communication is key. Ultimately, one of the most important things you can do to help your child navigate negative peer pressure is to talk to them about it. Encourage self-confidence and teach them how to say no by helping them develop the skills to think independently. If you suspect that your child is being negatively affected by social pressure of any kind, let them know you are someone they can trust to talk about it and offer to help in making a sensible plan for dealing with the situation.  

Over to you for sharing your comments and experiences.

About the Author: Kerstin Jatho

Kerstin is the senior transformational coach and team development facilitator for 4Seeds Consulting. She is also the author of Growing Butterfly Wings, a book on applying positive psychology principles during a lengthy recovery. Her passion is to develop people-centred organisations where people thrive and achieve their potential in the workplace. You can find Kerstin on LinkedIn, Soundcloud, YouTube and Facebook.

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