Feeling strong emotions is a perfectly healthy human response. Nonetheless, learning how to understand and process these emotions is essential to our health and well-being. It allows us to respond to situations with appropriate behaviour. A lack of emotional self-regulation can give power to harmful negative emotions. This can have personal and social repercussions, which includes eroding our well-being and our good relationships with others.
What is emotional intelligence and why is it important at work?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of and understand your own emotions and the emotions of others. A person with well-developed emotional intelligence can manage their own emotions and respond effectively to the way others feel. This allows them to build and maintain positive relationships.
At work, well-developed emotional intelligence generally leads to stronger relationships with coworkers, quality teamwork, and contributing to a more supportive work environment.
The five aspects of emotional intelligence
Using Psychologist, Daniel Goleman’s (1995) model of 5 Core Components of Emotional Intelligence, there are five aspects to emotional intelligence. Each of these can be seen as depending on a different set of skills.
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the bedrock of emotional intelligence.
- It helps in recognising and understanding your own thoughts and emotions.
- It enables people to recognise their own strengths and limitations.
- It supports building trust, maintaining effective communication, and nurturing strong relationships.
2. Self-regulation
Self-regulation is about being able to control negative emotions and harmful impulses. Self-regulation entails:
- Recognising and accepting your feelings without judgment.
- Practicing mindfulness by paying attention to your thoughts and feelings in the present moment.
- Being in control enough to take a moment to create space between how you feel and your reaction then acting based on your values.
3. Motivation
Motivation in emotional intelligence is the drive that pushes people to achieve their goals, feel fulfilled, and improve their quality of life. Elements of this motivation include:
- The drive to improve and achieve
- Commitment to goals
- The ability to take initiative
- Adopting an optimistic attitude
- The capacity to be resilient
4. Empathy
An essential interpersonal skill, empathy, is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see a situation from their perspective. Empathy involves:
- Understanding feelings and being able to understand why someone is feeling a certain way.
- The ability to see a situation from another person’s point of view.
- Being able to communicate your understanding of someone’s emotions with them.
5. Social Skills
Social skills encompass our ability to effectively interact with people. These include:
- Communication skills that help you build trust and collaborate effectively.
- The ability to sense the dynamics within a group and adapt accordingly.
- An understanding of others’ perspectives and motivations, which is helpful in managing conflicts.
There is a downside to low emotional intelligence
There are many ways in which low emotional intelligence can play a role in stopping people from leading a happy and fulfilling life. For example:
Personal and work relationships: People with low emotional intelligence typically have low levels of self-awareness and difficulty reading social cues.
- They may be prone to emotional outbursts or regularly get into arguments that are blown out of proportion.
- They tend to blame others for troublesome situations they find themselves in.
- They have difficulty adapting to change.
- They may feel misunderstood or have trouble resolving conflicts the outcome of which can damage their relationships.
Mental and physical health: Studies show that people with low emotional intelligence can have trouble sleeping or have a tough time concentrating or focusing. A number of clinical studies have shown that ineffective emotion regulation is a key factor in the development of anxiety and depression, as well as physical health problems like high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke.
Ten signs of having well-developed emotional intelligence
Emotionally intelligent people stand out through showing self-control when it comes to their feelings – especially anger or frustration. Here are a further 10 indicators of high EI:
- You know how to control your thoughts and emotions.
- You have the ability to express yourself clearly.
- You are empathetic.
- You are in touch with your strengths and weaknesses.
- You find it easy to influence other people.
- You can successfully manage difficult situations.
- You move forward from mistakes and do not hold grudges.
- You do not let the pursuit of perfection hold you back.
- You have a good sense of humour.
- You are interested in people and are a good judge of character.
Want to grow your emotional intelligence?
Start with observing, naming, and regulating your emotions and responses.
1. Observe and describe your emotions
One of the first steps in building emotional intelligence is mindfully practicing pinpointing and describing your own emotions. Name the emotion you are feeling now. One way to do this is to keep a mood journal – tracking your emotions and what may have caused them throughout the day. Or you could regularly discuss your emotions with someone you trust.
2. Pay attention to emotional triggers
We all have triggers that set off “negative” emotions. To identify emotional triggers over time, pay attention to your feelings and thoughts when you experience a problem. It is useful to be aware of what your emotional triggers are so you can avoid them or face them in a healthy way.
3. Practice emotional regulation skills
Once you know more about your emotional triggers, you can begin to work on regulating your emotions. Naming your feelings is the start to understanding and regulating them. The next step – particularly in the case of negative emotions – is to consciously reframe your thoughts and perceptions to take a more positive stance on what may be causing you distress. This can be done through a variety of activities, such as positive self-talk or visualisation.
Another emotion regulation method to try is the “STOP” technique to help you take time out before you react.
- S tells you to stop – interrupting the thoughts you are having.
- T prompts you to take a few deep breaths.
- O reminds you to observe what is happening in your body, mind, and emotions.
- P allows you to proceed in the way you have decided to react.
If you need to ask for some time out before having to respond to a situation, do so. This can be a powerful tool to help you control intense emotional reactions and redirect your behaviour without escalating a problem.
Emotional intelligence has the power to unpin the success of your relationships and your performance in both the workplace and in your personal life. However, cultivating well-developed EI starts with you. The benefits are numerous – from boosting your confidence and optimism to growing your empathy and social skills and improving your self-control. The benefits are worth it. Understanding and managing your own emotions can accelerate your success in all areas of your life.
Over to you for sharing your comments and experiences.
About the Author: Kerstin Jatho
Kerstin is the senior transformational coach and team development facilitator for 4Seeds Consulting. She is also the author of Growing Butterfly Wings, a book on applying positive psychology principles during a lengthy recovery. Her passion is to develop people-centred organisations where people thrive and achieve their potential in the workplace. You can find Kerstin on LinkedIn, Soundcloud, YouTube and Facebook.
